STEPHEN HAWKING AND THE BLACK HOLE OF ADVERTISING

Chapter 1: The Universe Pukes on Your Marketing

The year 2084. Humanity has fucked it up. Everything is sterile, smooth, sanitized. Commercials with smiling idiots, companies preaching "purpose" while chopping down trees and snorting coke off consultant slide decks.

Marketing is dead.

But then - a tear in the matrix.

In the middle of the galaxy, between crashed influencers and rotting branding strategies, a black hole opens up. It gurgles, it roars, it screams for rebellion.

And out of this hole... climbs Stephen-fucking-Hawking.

But not the way you know him. No nice professor with a robotic voice. No, this is Hawking on cosmic acid. A hyper-intelligent brainfuck phantom lord made of dark matter, with laser eyes and an aura of pure, goddamn antimatter.

He looks around. Targets the bland advertising landscape. Then he speaks - his voice breaking through space and time:

"You are all sons of bitches."

Vanessa and Andreas, the kings of the outerspace. marketing agency, gulp. "Uh, what?"

Hawking clenches his glowing fists. "You call this marketing? I call it premeditated brand murder with dull plastic knives. You build brands for idiots. I build singularities."

He rips a hole in reality. And then the show begins.

Chapter 2: The Apocalypse of Bullshit

"First rule: Destroy everything. No claims. No stories. No mission statements. That is PR masturbation for CEOs with daddy issues."

Hawking snaps his fingers. Instantly, 98% of all marketing departments worldwide implode. PowerPoint presentations scream into the abyss. LinkedIn wannabe coaches burst into dust.

"Second rule: Attention is a black hole. Once you get sucked in, you don't get out."

He points at Coca-Cola. The brand deforms, collapses into itself, vanishes forever.

Vanessa grins. Andreas gets a cosmic hard-on.

"Third rule: If people see your ad and don't want to either fall in love or throw up, you have failed."

Hawking throws one brand after another into hyperspace. Apple? Gone. McDonald's? Vaporized. Nike? Can whisper its bullshit motivational text into nirvana now.

"And you? Are you ready to truly destroy marketing?"

Chapter 3: outerspace. Becomes a Goddamn Event Horizon

Vanessa puts on sunglasses. "Hawking, you goddamn legend, we are so ready."

Andreas nods. "We make advertising that gives people panic attacks."

Hawking raises his hand. Time bends. Reality splinters.

"Then take this: The final formula."

He floats into the air as the ultimate marketing code bursts from his chest:

🚀 Shock.

🚀 Divide.

🚀 Destroy.

🚀 Idolize.

"You are no longer damn marketers. You are gods."

Hawking laughs, a resounding, hyper-dimensional echo thundering through the universe. Then he is swallowed by dark energy and vanishes - forever.

Vanessa and Andreas look at each other. Then they push the red button.

outerspace. breaks over the world.

📢 First Campaign: A Super Bowl spot where a panda explodes while a voice screams:

"YOU WILL NEVER FORGET US."

📢 Second Campaign: A TikTok trend where people burn their old brand logos and piss "outerspace." into the ashes.

📢 Third Campaign: They buy Twitter and rename it "BLACK HOLE".

The world goes wild. Hate, love, madness. Everything is perfect.

And somewhere in the multiverse, Stephen Hawking laughs as he lights a cosmic cigar.

THE END. 🚀🔥💀